A New Adventure for Me and a Way You Can Pray For Me.

As all of you who read my blog know, I've miscarried 4 babies. It's something that's made a profound impact on my life in more than just the obvious ways.

Sometime last summer, it occurred to me that maybe one of the many reasons God allowed that in my life was that I was supposed to use it in yet a different way than I already had. As most (if not all) of you know, I am already heavily involved with an on-line support group for other women who've been through it. God has allowed me to cry and pray for and comfort my irl (in real life) friends through it too.

Last summer, God began to work in my life along the lines of maybe becoming part of a support group in our area. Not really for me, but for others. I did just a little research and only found ONE place in our area that offers it. However, it's run by a nun. Yep, a nun. Now, what exactly can this nun offer a woman who is dealing with the loss of her baby when she's never been pregnant? What can this nun offer a woman who is dealing with the possible changing of her marriage relationship (not the ending of, but the huge impact the loss of a baby brings) who's never been married? I'm sure this woman is empathetic and in some ways can probably comfort a grieving woman. (This isn't meant to put this nun down, please don't missunderstand me.)

A couple of weeks ago, I was on the phone with my pastor. We were discussing death and suffering and just life. I was telling him that I wish the Benzing family had the time w/ Sue that I am having with my Grandma. While I don't enjoy her suffering AT ALL, I CAN have a conversation with her and she recognizes me sometimes, etc. Pastor's response was that (I'm not going to get this exactly right, but bear with me.) all of our days are numbered and ALL life has a purpose and every day of one's life has a purpose. Ok, I knew that. He said that my Grandma's life, in the poor state that it's in right now, still has a heavenly purpose and that God isn't finished with her witness yet. Maybe it's to the nurse who's caring for her and is seeing our family still love and care for her even though she doesn't always know it. Maybe it's to someone else in our lives that sees that. He then took it to my babies. My 4 babies in heaven each had their own purpose for the days or weeks they lived in my womb. Whether it was for me to grow spiritually or Paul and I's relationship to grow together even more or whether it was for me to use it for HIS greater good to witness for Him or to reach other ladies and help them through it. While I'd thought of that before in an over-all sense, I'd never quite thought of it that specifically. Pastor then wanted to know if I'd be willing to help with a support group or ministry for women who've lost babies.

For the last couple of weeks, I've been wanting to talk to the Counseling Pastor at our church about maybe taking some classes to help me be better equipped for it. I finally was able to reach him today. Guess when the class starts? This coming Wednesday night. whoa.

Ok. I really think that God is leading me to do this. I don't know to what degree and I don't mean right now. I feel like He is getting my preverbial ducks in a row and it is all lining up for me. He's showing me the path. I'm nervous about it. I'm excited about it. I'm ready for it. To think that HE, the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE wants to use little 'ole me to help someone through what can be the toughest time in their life is just mind-blowing to me. I'm willing.

Please pray for me about this. I want it to be HIS timing and HIS perfect will.